Be happy for absolutely no reason!

Things are going really well at the moment! I just spent the weekend with some of my friends up in the country for my friend's 21st and it was great fun. I was just taken aback by the beautiful surroundings of Castle Leslie, where we were staying. All the beautiful old paintings, endless rooms with old furniture and books and out the window, the view of the lake! We also went out on some boats the next day, admittedly hungover, but still joyful and full of scrambled eggs and grilled tomatoes. I enjoyed myself. It was nice to go on an adventure but also nice to see a good friend of mine being celebrated.

I went to Erica's today and we had a good old laugh, drank lucosade and watched a bit of 'Dinner For Schmucks' before she had to go to see her new fella. We had such a giggle. When we were making tea, I asked 'do you want regular tea or...unidentified circular tea?' and for some reason that had us in stitches.

I've been thinking a bit about happiness lately. Less happiness as much as it is a 'lightness' of heart. I am attempting to shed old layers of negative thinking, I am trying to being honest with myself and I am also trying to stop pleasing everybody. People-pleasers are not good people all the time. I think you could classify me as a people-pleaser. It's bad, I know but it's like I cannot stand the idea of someone not liking me to the point of it becoming a self-fulfilling prophecy! I don't let people just relax and think the things they do. I have to make sure all is okay and that they are comfortable. A friend of mine was saying he came over to my house the other week and he was really enjoying just the general atmosphere- the chats, the nice dinner I made, watching 'Mystic River' and eating old Easter-egg and drinking ginger beer but because I was worrying so much about his comfort about the lighting, the dishes in the sink and whether or not the things I cooked were okay he couldn't just sit back and enjoy them. He was worrying over my worry and exhausted trying to reassure me things were okay. He often calls me out on these little things I do and I'm so glad for it! It must be annoying to have someone incessantly asking if they are okay. So I decided I don't want to do that anymore! I don't have to please anybody. He also noticed, in his infinite wisdom, that I tend to waste a lot of time on people who are not very nice to me or people who aren't fussed whether or not I'm around and tend to ignore those who do actually like me around and think I'm nice. I'm working on that too, actually. It's a great thing to keep in mind. Gratitude is something I want to carry with me everywhere. For those who deserve it, of course.


I've been asking those I admire about their secrets to happiness. What I've mostly found is that there is not much of a secret about it. Happiness is a constant state of mind, not a pursuit nor something that can be 'acquired' as such through the accumulation of external experiences or goods. This might sound somewhat obvious, of course but it's certainly news to me as a child of the prosperous 90's. 
I think the kind of happiness one can rely on is not a happiness that other people supply us (although it helps to be in good company) nor where we go and what we acquire for ourselves but rather, how we view the world generally around us. I tend to be negative sometimes about my surroundings but I know that there are other ways of going about it, for sure. I know that the only way to be happy is to be happy 'no matter what' or happy for absolutely no reason. It's the way you interpret things and the habits you pick up.

And I think we can often interpret what happiness actually is wrongly. Stephen Fry says that the worst thing you can ever do is set goals for yourself. Because two things can happen and when they do and neither of them are good. The first possibility is that you won't achieve them and then you'll feel bad about yourself and think you can't actually do them. The second is that you achieve the goals and wait for the elation to follow, which it often does. So I have this sports car, this job, this girlfriend/boyfriend, this lifestyle now...so am I happy now? That kind of happiness is temporary, maybe. Or difficult to rely on because humans adapt easily. The only real rich are those who are happy, innit.

So yeah, this is my new adventure. I want to cut out sources of contraction and upset, I want to be with people who make me feel good (and there are so many of them, I am so blessed), I want to be in a state of happiness not altered by external accumulations of wealth nor fluctuating good and bad circumstances. I also don't want to constantly think of how other people view me.

(yeah, I've been writing mad personal stuff on my blog lately! I hope y'all don't mind the self-indulgence...I enjoy it too much, clearly!)